


Rest in Peace, Valuable Advertising Space

by LemonBubble



Series: NVTR Fics [12]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Episode Style, M/M, you know the farmer?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-14
Updated: 2013-11-14
Packaged: 2018-01-01 11:21:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1044236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonBubble/pseuds/LemonBubble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlos has big news, a reminder to believe in crops and Trish Hidge has been doing that thing again. You know the thing where she acts weird and doesn't explain why? Yeah, that one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rest in Peace, Valuable Advertising Space

**Author's Note:**

> Night Vale Town Riot Bonus Prompt - the Apocalypse

That is not thunder you hear in the distance. Welcome to Night Vale.

Big news today, listeners! Carlos called the station just a few minutes ago saying he had a warning for us. He said it was very important, so it’s the first thing on the show today.

You may remember that Carlos recently left town for a few days to go do some science thing. Well, when he called he said that his science was very well received and now a _lot_ of people are very interested in Night Vale. He said that the greater science community and some important politicians were busy discussing what should be done about our town and how amazing it is. Isn’t that just _neat!_ I can only imagine what this will do for local tourism.

-

In other news, John Peters - you know, the farmer? - says that the imaginary corn crop isn’t doing so well this year. He claims that this is because of a lack of belief in imaginary corn. Well, I for one firmly believe in imaginary corn, but I’ve heard that some of our younger listeners might be doubters. The annual imaginary corn crop is an important part of Night Vale’s economy and it is the main source of John’s income, so it is vital that everyone believe in imaginary corn with all their hearts. Besides, have you _tasted_ imaginary corn? It is without question the best kind of corn and it is beyond me why you would want to doubt its existence.

-

And now a look at the financial markets.

The world is flat. It is flat and shaped like a compact disc. No one knows this because anyone who gets too close to the edge is lost. There is a hole in the centre, but the people who live on this flat world have built a thousand bridges across it, sewing it shut with threads of steel and concrete and engineering. The world is flat and it falls through the void, directionless, without meaning, tumbling through empty space for an eternity. The people of the world do not fall off, and none of them can explain why. No one knows what is on the other side, only that the world is flat.

This has been, financial news.

-

An update on the fascinated outsiders story: Carlos called again and accused me of twisting his words. I’ll admit, I was paraphrasing a little, but really, what difference is there between “the rest of the world thinks Night Vale is amazing” and “the rest of the world thinks Night Vale is a nightmare stain upon this earth that needs to be removed immediately”. I mean, when you get right down to it, they’re basically the same. Besides, all publicity is good publicity, right?

Anyway, Carlos wants me to tell you that when he says politicians and scientists are discussing what should be done about our town, he means they’re seriously considering blowing it to smithereens with massive explosives. He was also quite adamant that I warn everyone to hide or evacuate or whatever. He’s so cute when he worries about the safety of the town. I don’t think anything will really happen, after all, you know how politicians are. I mean, I'm all for government, but If they ever make a decision it will probably take years. If it makes you feel better to run or hide though, you go right ahead and do that, listeners.

-

And now, a word from our sponsors.

The town glistens softly in the night. The town is sleeping. The town does not know what approaches it. The town has foolishly left its lights on through the darkness, revealing its location to the approaching menace. The town is torn apart as it sleeps, nightmare creatures from distant dimensions destroying even the memory of it.

You wake in your own bed. Just a dream. A simple dream. You laugh at how it scared you, but there is nothing to be afraid of now that you are awake. You get up and get yourself a glass of water. In the darkness outside your home, nightmare creatures wait for the right time to strike. The town glistens softly in the night.

Bed, Bath and Beyond. Better than wherever _you’re_ shopping.

-

In other news, Trish Hidge, from the mayor’s office, held a brief press conference explaining that trees are not real. Follow up questions included “What is the Whispering Forest made of then?” and “But you’re standing in the shade of a tree right now.” When, at the end of the press conference, none of the press corps believed her, she just shrugged and said “Well, I’ll just have to do better next time,” and retreated into city hall. Several members of the press corps were arrested and then released again, on the grounds that the town was running out of journalists and really couldn’t afford to lock any more away for the rest of their lives.

-

Carlos has stopped calling and is now just sending dozens of frantic texts. They’re very hard to read, because I keep getting interrupted by new text notifications. It seems that the politicians and greater science community have agreed that Night Vale is a danger to the rest of the world and should be destroyed through the use of massive explosives. The texts continue “I’m sorry, so so sorry, this is all my fault, I should never have told them, I’m sorry. It is too late to run but maybe you can still hide, please forgive me.”

Well, listeners, this is a surprise. I honestly didn’t think anything would come of this, but here we are. The end is approaching from the sky in the form of massive explosives. I have nothing more to say, so let us go now, and hopefully come back from, [the weather](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZ4Nw-wRxPc).

-

And so it seems, we have survived the government mandated attempt to destroy us. There were many thousands of casualties, but we, as a town, are a bug that simply won’t die, like the noble cockroach. Speaking of which, those were the only casualties. All the many thousands of roaches provided by the Night Vale Transit Authority were tragically killed in the blast. We join the NVTA in mourning the loss of so much valuable advertising space.

Carlos has texted, which means he survived too, and I am glad to hear that. The text reads “G F D I Night Vale, why did I expect anything different.”

There have been no reports of structural damage from the bombs, which means this disaster ranks lower than even than the average Valentines day. And for that we can be grateful. The loss of the roaches will no doubt cost the transit authority a great deal, likely delaying even further the reopening of the subway, but all in all, that was pretty uneventful, don’t you think, listeners?

Stay tuned next for four hours of synchronised finger snapping that will seem right on the verge of bursting into song, but never will.

Good night, Night Vale, good night.

**Author's Note:**

> And that was the last one! I really enjoyed writing this one. Apologies to Carlos, who must have been freaking out the whole time, but also, I've done worse to him so whatever.


End file.
